Where's My Class?

When I moved from a classroom teaching position of 14 years, into a Title 1 teaching position three years ago, I don't think anything could have prepared me for the way that I would feel on that very first day of school in my new role.  I had a sea of emotions leading up to that first day.  I was excited for the change and to be a part of a new school, yet that excitement was often met with small little deflated moments as well.  Like for instance, when I wasn't writing out name tags for student desks or putting together a "classroom helpers" job chart.  I realize now that these small warnings were trying to precursor how I would feel when everything came together at the start of the school year.

Everything truly hit me, all at once, at the morning playground duty on the first day.  Every staff member was out in the courtyard, sporting our bright yellow vests and most welcoming smiles.  We greeted all of the students getting off the bus, walking to school hand-in-hand with parents, and coasting in on bikes and scooters.  Everything was great...running smoothly.  The bell rang and students scrambled to eagerly line up by classes, searching for their new teachers' face at the front of each line.  It was in that moment that I felt the loss.  Where was my class?  And furthermore, what had I done?  As the class lines trickled into the school building to start the day, I followed them all inside.  I wandered down the long hallway and into my office.  I closed the door and I cried. I'm talking straight up ugly cried, and I couldn't stop.  All of the emotions that I had ignored through the role changing transition came screaming at me, full speed.  Had I made a horrible mistake?  Where was my class?

Three years later, I still have a little sense of sadness each first day of school as I watch students get settled into their new classrooms, moving into their cubbies and finding their special coat hooks.  I hear the voices of their welcoming teachers in each room swirling out of the classroom doors while sharing favorite back-to-school read alouds.  I hear the beginning creations of what will eventually become a classroom culture...a family.  Even still today, though that first day is still met each year with my misty eyes, I now can also smile because I understand how I am a part of each and every one of those special spaces.  My classroom family tree has just simply expanded and the roots that I am able to establish with students and teachers run in every direction throughout all of the classrooms that I am able to be a part of.  One of my student's explanations was so spot on and offered me such a great perspective.  She simply stated, "My teacher is like the parent and you are like my aunt that comes to visit me with fun gifts...more books to read!"

Where's my class?  

They are all around me.  Through this transition, I truly feel as though I more deeply understand and embrace the bigger picture that they are all "our students."  

Happy school days to all!