4th Grader Once Again...

This year, I started at a brand new school within my district.  I replaced an amazing gentleman that retired after years of being in the position that I was now taking over.

There have been many things that I have been made aware of about myself with this transition.  Much of which has me reverting back to ways that I once felt when I was a student in grade school myself.

I was excited to meet and work with new people, but also this was coupled with the fears that I hoped that I would be well-received.  Like in grade school, making new friends can sometimes be hard.  When it was time for lunch on the first day, I wondered and thought about where to sit...should I chime in with conversations or just smile and nod?  Fortunately, everyone that I work with welcomed me with open arms and open hearts and I am simply loving my new school home.

On the first Friday, of the first week of school I was called to the office.  It was time for the "Principal's Challenge".  I wasn't quite aware of what this entailed, but the man who I had replaced was an instrumental piece in administering it each week on Fridays, and now this job fell to me.

As I have written about in previous posts, timed fact fluency testing in math or aka "mad minutes" are something that I have very strong feelings around, much of which is equated to a sense of anxiety for me...just like in grade school.

I was a bit caught off guard on that first Friday as I distributed pencils and a two-sided fluency test and as the Principal gave the directions, two students asked me if they could leave.  Shaking their heads they said, "I changed my mind, I don't want to do it."  I quietly let them leave.  I felt their anxiety, it was so real to me.  Actually, it was also the way I was feeling as I stood there waiting for the Principal to start the timer...I didn't want to be there either.  I didn't want any association with it since my message to my Title students is consistently "You don't have to go fast, you just have to go!"  But here I stood, representing the opposite.  It was quite an internal struggle in that moment for me.

I thought about it a lot as I left school for the weekend.  I knew that every Friday I was going to have to help with this school routine and I needed to find a way to be well with it in my soul.

So, in the spirit of setting goals and being flexible, here is what I know and concluded to do each Friday...

*I will feel okay with the process in knowing that the students that take the Principal's Challenge each week come fully on a volunteer basis.

*I will sit down, side-by-side, with the students each week and take the 3 minute challenge with them.

*I will track my progress and set my goals, and be highly transparent with students.  As a math teacher, it is my goal to send the message that being a good mathematician does not always have to mean you have to be a fast mathematician!

So, this past Friday I did just that.  I sat right down with the group with my pencil in my hand and took the 3 minute challenge.  I really tried to be aware of the way I was feeling as I sat there in that 3 minutes.  I didn't finish, and I really did try.  I noticed that with the addition, subtraction, and multiplication problems I arrived at my answers not from memorization (well a few from memory) but mostly from using related facts.  This took longer, like little pit stops on a road trip to a destination when you pick up things that you need along the way.  I did get the first page completed, and I took stock of how I felt at the sound of pages in the room being flipped before my own.  I finished about a quarter of the back side and didn't even get to the division.  I also joined in on the student conversations after the test as they whispered to each other, "Did you finish?" and "I only had three more." etc.  I let them flat out see my paper, with the bottom 3/4 not completed and I made sure to tell them that I hoped to maybe get a few more next week, but it was hard for me because it is hard for me to straight up memorize my facts, that my brain has to go through different steps to arrive and I find myself double checking as I go.

This past Friday felt much better.